Week 4 Review

Panthers vs Falcons

Prediction: Falcons 28-10

Score: Falcons 30-28

Memorable Quote: Matt Ryan has been a maestro this year, conducting a symphony of an offensive explosion to the tune of 793 yards passing and 8 touchdowns.

Matt Ryan once again had a great game, throwing for 369 yards and three scores, including a nifty dump pass to Michael Turner for 60

Roddy White has been Matt Ryan’s favorite target this year

yards. But the real star, for me and my fantasy team anyway, was Roddy White. Hot Rod had 8 catches for 169 yards and found the endzone twice. White had the game changing catch of 59 yards from the Atlanta 1 yard line with under a minute left. He absolutely abused Carolina cornerback Captain Munnerlyn all game, who was last scene at the Charlotte Town Hall filling out a name change request due to his demotion. Maybe First Commander Munnerlyn will fare better next week.

Patriots vs Bills

Prediction: Patriots 21-13

Score: Patriots 52-28

Memorable Quote: The Patriots sit at the top bottom of the AFC East at 3-0 1-2.

Rookie Brandon Bolden all smiles after his demolishing of the BIlls

When the Patriots play like this it’s hard to believe that they’re at the bottom of their division, a division they’ve owned for the past decade. New England was getting shellacked in the third quarter, trailing 21-7, and looked like a dynasty in shambles. But midway through the third Tom Touchdown Jesus Brady found a way to rally the troops and lead the Patriots to 5 unanswered touchdowns. The best of which was Tom Terrific’s 4-yard rushing score, which looked like it took place in quicksand. Not only were the passing stats there (340 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs), but the rushing stats were amazing. Rookie runningback Brandon Bolden exploded for 137 yards and 1 touchdown, and starter Stevan Ridley went wild for 106 yards and two scores. If the Pats play like they did the last quarter and a half for the rest of the season, New England could be looking at ring number 4.

Vikings vs Lions

Prediction: 21-18

Score: Vikings 20-13

Memorable Quote: I’m sure Vikings WR Percy Harvin is fighting a migraine as we speak.

For those that don’t know, Percy Harvin has had many migraine issues throughout his career with the Minnesota Vikings. However, for

Harvin gives opponents headaches when he doesn’t have migraines

those that still don’t know, he’s also had an extensive history of being one of the most versatile players in the league. He showed that on Sunday but returning the opening kickoff 105 yards for a score. That was pretty much the excitement of the game, save for another return touchdown for the Vikings in the second half. Minnesota kept the Matt Stafford-Calvin Johnson Show silent, as Megatron only had 50 yards receiving. The Vikings actually lead the NFC North as we speak. Yep, it’s the Mayans.

Chargers vs Chiefs:

Prediction: Chiefs 24-21

Score: Chargers 37-20

Memorable Quote: It felt like a bad breakup, like he was running wild just to spite me, pulling up in his new fancy car and flaunting his newfound freedom. Jamaal I’m sorry.

 

2-2 Special: 2 Scores, 2 Fumbles

Well, Jamaal and I are still trying to work this whole “favorite player” relationship out. He had a good game, 92 rushing yards and a rushing touchdown to go along with 23 receiving yards and another score. But there’s still some form of resentment there, as Jamaal found a way to cough the ball up twice. But we’re looking to start taking the good with the bad. Sure he had two turnovers, but he had two scores, so all is forgiven. As for the Chiefs losing the game; maybe their a year or so away. I still feel they have the talent, but maybe not enough time together yet. Remember, Jamaal Charles and Eric Berry missed last season, so they still need more time to gel. Kansas City will be a problem soon. But for this season it looks like San Diego may just once again win the AFC West.

Seahawks vs Rams

Prediction: Seahawks 20-7

Score: Rams 19-13

Memorable Quote: That play single handedly resulted in the mass firing of the replacements, and the scramble to sign the original ones.

 

 

There was no controversy on Sunday, no 4thtimeout for Pete Carroll, no late game heroics for Seattle quarterback Russell Wilson. The

Raise your hand if you had Greg Zuerlein as your week 4 MVP…

MVP of this game wasn’t the replacement refs, real refs, or any guy wearing a Foot Locker shirt. The Most Valuable Player was easily St Louis’ Greg Zuerlein. That’s right, Greg Zuerlein. Don’t know who that is? Google him. I’ll wait. In the meantime, last weeks hero Golden Tate had one catch for seven yards. So it seems like everything is back to normal. Oh, and as for our MVP Zuerlein, he’s the St Louis kicker who had 4 field goals from 24, 48, 58, and 60 yards. MVP! MVP! Now you know.

49ers vs Jets:

Prediction: 49ers 28-14

Score: 49ers 34-0

Memorable Quote: Meanwhile the 49ers are an early favorite to win the Super Bowl. Do I smell upset? No, that’s just the smell of Rex Ryans foot fetish again.

Bobby Hill had gout, Holmes has a Lisfranc injury, and Rex Ryan has a foot fetish. Looking promising for NY right now

Even Rex Ryans foot fetish smells better than the Jets this season. Mark Sanchez, onetime called The Sanchize, was horrible, throwing for only 103 yards and an interception. Their leading rusher, Shonn Greene, had an underwhelming 34 rushing yards. And their “top” receiver Santonio Holmes is out for the year with a Lisfranc foot injury. Honestly, I’ve never heard of that. It’s like on King of the Hill when Bobby Hill had gout and dressed his toe up as a French lady. This is your 2012 NY Jets ladies and gentlemen.

Titans vs Texans:

Prediction: Texans 30-9

Score: Texans 38-14

Memorable Quote: But then…. nothing happened. He didn’t get hurt, he didn’t get traded, he didn’t lose his mojo to the MonStars as far as we know.

I’m not going to lie; I slammed Chris Johnson in the preview. Deservedly so, because he’s been horrible, even dating back to last season.

Can she save Chris Johnson from the MonStars grasp this week?

Well he showed a glimpse of hope late in the game, after they clearly lost, by rushing for 141 yards on 25 carries. Maybe Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny helped him a little bit, but he’s not out of the MonStars grasp yet. Not until Lola Bunny makes an appearance. We’ll see how next week goes.

Raiders vs Broncos:

Prediction: Broncos 17-14

Score: Broncos 37-6

Memorable Quote: All the signs point to the Raiders, except the sign that says It’s The Raiders, plus I can’t bet on Peyton starting 1-3.

Oakland makes it look easy for Peyton Manning

For the record, nothing EVER points to the Raiders. They wouldn’t be the Raiders otherwise. Darren McFadden started the season out strong, but in true Raider fashion he has fizzled as of late. And Peyton Manning, he of the noodle arm and four neck surgeries, obliterated a somewhat competent Oakland defense to the tune of 338 yards and 3 touchdowns. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Cardinals vs Dolphins:

Prediction: Cardinals 27-19

Score: Cardinals 24-21

Memorable Quote: Wow. Who would’ve thought this game would have any significance?

Not only did this game hold significance, it was arguably the most entertaining of the weekend. Dolphins receiver Brian Hartline went

“Yeah the 253 yards are nice, but Google my girlfriend”

ham, exploding 253 yards and a touchdown. Miami quarterback Ryan Tannehill threw for 421 yards, and running back Reggie Bush added 67 yards on the ground. But it wasn’t enough, thanks to, wait for it, I don’t want to say it, ok here it goes….Captain Clutch Kevin Kolb. Oh I feel gross saying that. On fourth down, with 22 seconds left, he threw a 15 yard touchdown to Andre Roberts to force overtime. I still can’t believe the Cardinals continue to win. I still can’t believe Kevin Kolb is a starting quarterback, let alone a winning one. I still can’t believe it’s not butter.

 

Bengals vs Jaguars:

Score: 27-10 Bengals

The Future is Now

Somehow I forgot to preview this game. But trust me, I would have had the Bengals winning, by a lot more than they did. For starters, their quarterback is probably the most famous NFL Redhead. Secondly- Wide receiver AJ Green, in only his second year, may be a top 3 receiver already. He killed me in fantasy football last week, posting 20 points to help me feel worse about benching Jamaal Charles and his 25 points. Well, this week he had 117 yards and another touchdown. He’s unstoppable. The Cincinnati Christmas ComboTM Barrett-Blacque2012 (REDhead Andy Dalton and AJ GREEN) has been the most lethal QB-WR duo in the league. And it’s just beginning.

Saints vs Packers:

Prediction: Packers 35-21

Score: Packers 28-27

Memorable Quote: Just like with the replacements, watching New Orleans doesn’t feel authentic. It’s as if they have no idea what’s going on.

This was actually a lot closer than I expected, as Green Bay actually had to come back to win it. Drew Brees had a great game for the

Even while suspended, Sean Payton is plotting

Saints, throwing for 446 yards and 4 touchdowns. But kicker Garrett Hartley missed a go-ahead field goal with less than three minutes left to secure the win for the Packers. This begs the question: Are the Saints tanking this season? They’re 0-4, 4 games behind division leading Atlanta, and don’t seem to be heading anywhere. Say they take this season off, secure a top 10 draft pick, shore up their defense, and suddenly start contending next season. I don’t put anything past the mind of suspended coach Sean Payton these days.

Redskins vs Buccaneers:

Prediction: Redskins 27-20

Score: Redskins 24-22

Memorable Quote: Robert Griffin the Third. That is it, that is all.

Went from almost unemployed to team hero with one kick

Ok, RG3 was RG3; he did what he had to do to lead the Skins to the win. But it didn’t have to be that close. Kicker Billy Cundiff missed 3 field goals earlier in the game, leaving 9 points on the board. Griffin led Washington down the field to set up Cundiff for a miss-and-not-only-will-we-whoop-you-but-you’ll-be-out-of-a-job game winning 41 yarder that he thankfully converted. Man, can you believe how embarrassing it would be for your quarterback to do everything in his power to lead the team down the field to win it, and you just shank the kick? Oh wait…

Giants vs Eagles

Prediction: Giants 33-30

Score: Eagles 19-17

Memorable Quote: I mean, sure, Eli Manning and the GMen haven’t made football look pretty this year, but they’ve been better than Philly.

Philly and New York are your two less attractive friends that somehow keep getting hotter girls than you. You don’t know how they do it,

The Lonesome Kicker

they don’t have smooth lines, they don’t do gentlemanly things, but somehow they end up with the pretty girl at the end. Neither of these teams makes football look good. Eli had a horrendous interception late in the game, and Vick played just about average. But the real ugliness of it all was Lawrence Tynes missing the game winning kick, on his SECOND ATTEMPT!! He had two tries, and couldn’t convert either time.

Bears vs Cowboys:

Prediction: Cowboys 23-16

Score: Bears 34-18

Memorable Quote: Would you want to protect someone that keeps yelling and crying and bitching at you? That’s the best way to get your ass kicked.

Bears had a 5 course meal with Romo’s interceptions

I don’t know if Bears quarterback Jay Cutler had a heart to heart with his offensive line, maybe bought them some flowers, some champagne, took them for long walks on the beach, but whatever he did it worked. They only allowed 2 sacks, and somehow actually looked like they wanted to block for him. Not only did they not

King James watches the Royal Jester Tony Romo

let him die, they actually made him look better than Tony Romo. Romo, one of LeBron James’ favorite players on his favorite team, managed to throw not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, but 5 interceptions, two of which were returned for touchdowns. This was a showing of two mediocre QBs that somehow get lumped into the good-to-great quarterback grouping, which I just can’t understand.

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Week 4 Preview

Falcons vs Panthers:

Atlanta Magazine knows the truth

This may just be the year for Georgia sports. The UGA Bulldogs are undefeated and looking better, the Atlanta

Braves have as good a shot as anyone to win the World Series and refuse to lose with Kris Medlan pitching, and the Hawks dumped Average Joe Johnson and Starvin Marvin Williams. Even if every Georgia team lost every game from here on out, dumping Joe and Marvin would be cause for a championship parade.  Meanwhile, in the NFL, the Dirty Birds are flying high

South Park knows the truth

and perched atop the NFC with an undefeated record. Matt Ryan has been a maestro this year, conducting a symphony of an offensive explosion to the tune of 793 yards passing and 8

touchdowns. Even Superman Cam Newton can’t fly that high. Falcons 28-10.

 

Patriots vs Bills:

The Patriots sit at the top bottom of the AFC East at 3-0 1-2. Suddenly the loss to the Cardinals looks a little better

“The real refs make that call!”

after Arizona dismantled the Philadelphia Eagles. But the real reason the Pats have been losing is the replacement refs. Let’s be honest: they never got the memo that the real refs have. They didn’t know that the Pats are supposed to get every call. Every call. The refs and rules committee base their days and calls and new rules around Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. But thank God the real refs are back. So for that reason, and the fact that the Buffalo backfield has some Cleveland-esqe bad juju, (injuries to CJ Spiller and Freddy Jackson) I got the Patriots 21-13.

 

Vikings vs Lions:

Hill does few things Matt Stafford can’t, like stay healthy

Welcome to the Injury Bowl 2012. This could be an entertaining game, depending on the health of a few

Face of Vikings leadership until Adrian Peterson is 100%

stars. To the surprise of absolutely no one, Lions QB Matt Stafford is struggling with health; Vikings RB Adrian Peterson is struggling coming back from an ACL injury, and I’m sure Vikings WR Percy Harvin is fighting a migraine as we speak. So what should be the Stafford-Calvin Johnson show vs All Day Adrian Peterson could become Shaun Hill vs Christian Ponder. Let that marinate for a minute. Lions 21-18.

 

Chargers vs Chiefs:

Everyone loves Jamaal

Jamaal Charles. That’s it. Since I didn’t post my week 2 review let’s backtrack real quick. In week 2 I said he would explode and he absolutely did not. So in the review I asked if anyone saw him to please call KC police, so that he can be reunited with his family and loved ones. I was so upset with my favorite player in the

“Vengeance against Barrett Blacque”

league that I benched him on all my fantasy teams. Well, I don’t know how he got word of that, but it pissed him off apparently. He pulled off a 91 yard score en route to 233 yards and a billion fantasy points, while I watched the game in tears. It felt like a bad breakup, like he was running wild just to spite me, pulling up in his new fancy car and flaunting his newfound freedom. Jamaal I’m sorry. We can work this out. Chiefs 24-21.

Seahawks vs Rams:

The play that saved football

Every NFL fan owes Seattle and Golden Tate a giant thank you for last Monday Night’s game. Had it not been for Tate breaking several

NFL rules, and the replacement refs “forgetting” the rules, during his now infamous winning touchdown against the Packers, we would still have the replacement refs. That play single handedly resulted in the mass firing of the replacements, and the scramble to sign the original ones. Had Tate just tried to catch the ball legally we would be in the same boat as last week. So, thank you Golden Tate, for allowing us to finally forget about the replacements and focus on the game. You know, unless you’re a Packers fan. Seahawks 20-7.

 

49ers vs Jets:

These are the Jets:

  • They have a glorified fullback trying to play quarterback
  • That same quarterback trying to play wide receiver
  • The best cornerback in the game got hurt without getting touched
  • The third running back is that cornerbacks replacement

Joe McKnight, running back turned cornerback, burned in practice

So, yeah. Meanwhile the 49ers are an early favorite to win the Super Bowl. Do I smell upset? No, that’s just the smell of Rex Ryans foot fetish again. 49ers 28-14.

 

Titans vs Texans:

Chris Johnson is the most perplexing player in the league. Just a few seasons ago he was on a collision

They got Chris Johnson!

course to break rushing yard records. But then…. nothing happened. He didn’t get hurt, he didn’t get traded, he didn’t lose his mojo to the MonStars as far as we know. He just fell off. 33 carries, 45 yards. FOR THE SEASON! Someone call Michael Jordan and Bugs Bunny. Texans 30-9.

 

Raiders vs Broncos:

The only ball Peyton can throw these days

Let’s be honest: Peyton Manning doesn’t have it anymore. He’s chucking ducks out there; he’s not throwing as hard as before or as accurate.  And the sad part is, even after 4 neck surgeries and the noticeable fact that there is NO velocity on his throws, Denver fans would still rather have him than Tim Tebow. If only Jets fans were (as) smart. All the signs point to the Raiders, except the sign that says It’s The Raiders, plus I can’t bet on Peyton starting 1-3. The NFL won’t allow it, even without replacement refs. Broncos 17-14.

 

Dolphins vs Cardinals:

Wow. Who would’ve thought this game would have any significance? The Cardinals, quarterbacked by Kevin Kolb (?!) are 3-0. This

I’m suppose to believe that THIS MAN is 3-0, and beat the Patriots and Eagles?!

can’t be reality. Clearly, the Mayans are trying to tell us something. How can I possibly pick against Kevin Kolb? He beat the Patriots, single handedly dismantled Phillys Dream Team, and isn’t even getting the ball to Larry Fitzgerald. Is the world over yet? Cardinals 27-19.

 

Saints vs Packers:

The Saints are the embodiment of the replacement refs. They don’t have their head coach (arguably their MVP at this point), or defensive star Jonathan Vilma. They also don’t have a win in three tries. Just like with the replacements, watching New Orleans doesn’t feel authentic. It’s as if they have no idea what’s going on.  I don’t see how they could possibly beat the Packers, who are sure to still be pissed by the Seattle Screwjob from Monday. Packers 35-21.

 

Redskins vs Buccaneers:

Should be 3-0 this year

Robert Griffin the Third. That is it, that is all. Redskins 27-20.

 

Giants vs Eagles:

Michael Vick with yet another turnover

In all seriousness, I just realized the Eagles have a winning record. How is that possible? Arizona rocked them, and Mike Vick tried to lose against the Browns, but that didn’t happen thanks to Clevelands Brandon Weeden trying to lose a little bit better than Vick. But the Giants and Eagles are tied at 2-1. That blows my mind. I mean, sure, Eli Manning and

Could be either a touchdown or turnover for Eli

the GMen haven’t made football look pretty this year, but they’ve been better than Philly. When Eli throws three picks, he also throws three touchdowns and goes back to being Butters Stotch. When Vick throws three picks, he throws another one and fumbles, all while getting hurt again. But these teams have identical records? Giants 33-30.

 

Bears vs Cowboys:

Easily the most help the O-Line has offered Jay Cutler

I’m afraid for Jay Cutler. Not because I know DeMarcus Ware and the Cowboys defense will kill him on Monday, but because I know the Bears offensive line will allow it to happen. Not only are they horrible, possibly the worst o-line in football, but Cutler constantly shows them up and berates them on the sideline. Would you want to protect someone that keeps yelling and crying and bitching at you? That’s the best way to get your ass kicked. So get ready Jay, this may be the first time an offensive lineman is the game leader in sacks- of his own quarterback. Cowboys 23-16

Thursday Night Football:

Ravens vs Browns: Ravens 23-16

No surprise, the Ravens won. Surprise, it was close for a while. The main story of

Maybe now the league will see that refs aren’t a dime a dozen

the game was the refs getting a standing ovation. Glad they’re back, but it’s a shame they were gone in the first place. It completely ruined the first few weeks of the season. If you don’t have all the components to play the game, don’t play!

On BYE this week: Colts and Steelers

—Barrett Blacque 

 

 

Giants vs Panthers

Thursday Night Preview

Giants at Panthers

The defending champion New York Giants travel to Carolina to play the up and coming Carolina Panthers. Each team enters play with a record of 1-1, and both have legitimate injury concerns to worry about. Big Blue is without wideouts Hakeem Nicks and Domenik Hixon, and running back Ahmad Bradshaw, while the Big Cats may be without The Daily Show (running back Jonathan Stewart).

Eli Manning- the Butters Stotch of the NFL

This is a tough one to predict. Which Eli Manning is going to show up? The one

that throws three interceptions and just shrugs and says “Aw shucks”, or the one

that throws for 500 yards and three touchdowns? Well, that’s a trick question, because it’s the same damn man doing it at the same damn time. You can’t trust Eli, but you can depend on him. If he has to throw 7 interceptions just to throw 8 touchdowns, he’ll do it. He’s an enigma.

Cam Newton, on the other hand, is easier to figure out. He’s going to run through

Cam Newton dances on the competition

you. Not around you, not near you, but straight through you. And you will fall down, possibly get the wind knocked out of you, and have to watch him do his Superman dance over your internally bleeding body. He’s just a force, as I’ve written about before (Newton’s Laws). But he can beat you throwing the ball too. And this Giants secondary has shown the uncanny ability to get beat on deep throws, short throws, and shuttle throws. Wide receiver Brandon LaFell could have a Kevin Ogletree-esqe game tonight if the defense focuses on Steve Smith too much.

Last year the Panthers picked off Eli three times, but he came back to throw three

“If I lose the game tonight my parents are gonna be awfully sore with me”

touchdowns. I like him, but I can’t pick a team led by Butters Stotch to win here. I just can’t. Panthers 35-31.

 

—Barrett Blacque

J’Adore Magazine

Week 1 Review

WEEK 1

Washington’s Commander In-Chief

Week 1 belonged to Redskins rookie QB Robert Griffin III, who torched the Saints for 320 yards and two TDs. Not quite Cam Newton levels for a debut (422 yards, an NFL record for a debut) but RG3 put up the fourth most passing yards in a rookie’s first game. Outdueling Saints quarterback Drew Brees was just the first step in what promises to be an impressive career for the Heisman winner, stay tuned to see how he performs against a weak secondary versus St Louis next week.

From Colt to Bronco

How weird was it to see Peyton Manning in a Broncos jersey? How much weirder was it to see him beat a tough Pittsburgh Defense after FOUR neck procedures last year? Personally, I wrote him off this year. I didn’t think he was going to produce after his scary neck injury, I didn’t think he would mesh with his mediocre wide receivers, and I just thought he was old. Well, 253 yards and 2 touchdowns later, you know this Humble Pie doesn’t taste that bad. Next week he travels down south to face the Falcons, let’s see if he can continue to be the Manning of old and not an old Manning.

Around The League

Top Wide Receiver- Kevin Ogletree. Dallas Cowboy third receiver Ogletree absolutely destroyed the

defending champion New York Giants. 114 yards receiving, 2 TDs and 17 fantasy points made him the number one overall fantasy player this week. Unfortunately, nobody outside of the Ogletree family saw this coming, so those fantasy points stayed on the bench or, more realistically, the waiver wire. Dallas has a potent offense, and Laurent Robinson showed us last year that you could be the fourth or fifth option and still produce. I see a big year for him this year, much like Victor Cruz of the Giants last season.

Top Running Back- CJ Spiller. Buffalo had an up and down game Sunday. On one hand Spiller went nuts for 169 yards rushing and a score. On the other hand, they lost starting RB Fred Jackson with a leg injury. So fantasy owners of Spiller should be excited to see that he will get more carries. But without Jackson, who broke out last year, Buffalo may be playing from behind a lot and not running as much. All Spiller needs is one play, as he proved in week 1 with a 56-yard scoring run.

Top Defense- Cleveland Browns. Yeah, I have no words for this one. I don’t know if the Browns defense was that good (2 sacks, 4 interceptions, 1 fumble recovery, 1 TD, 27 fantasy points) or if Michael Vick and the Eagles were that bad.  I don’t expect this to happen every week, for the Browns or the Eagles.

Week 2 Storylines

The Packers need to rebound from their loss to the 49ers, but have a tough matchup against the rival

Chicago Bears. Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall plan to build on their success from their early days on the Broncos, and may be too much for the Green Bay secondary. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Packers drop to 0-2, and for Cutler and Marshall to go back to being a top NFL duo.

Speaking of the 49ers, they face a Detroit Lions team that struggled to beat the Rams. Matt Stafford had three interceptions against that weak defense; imagine what the upstart San Fran defense can do to him.

Drew Brees and the Saints play Cam Newton and the Panthers in a must-win for New Orleans. After the whole bounty scandal in the offseason and the suspension of their coach Sean Payton, starting 0-2 would be the beginning of a nightmare season in the Big Easy.

—Barrett Blacque

J’Adore Magazine

WEEK 2 PREVIEW

Week 1 began with a bang, with the Cowboys and Kevin Ogletree dismantling the defending champion New York Giants 24-17. Other headlines included RG3 having an amazing debut for the Redskins, Peyton Manning returning to action for the Broncos, and Randy Moss coming back with the 49ers. So what can we look forward to in week 2? Here’s a game-by-game preview of the upcoming week:

Chiefs vs Bills:

Jamaal Charles, stopping all that dare tackle him

I fully believe that the Chiefs have the best roster in the league, IF you take away the most important position, the quarterback. Matt Cassel had one good season in New England, and that is all. GET RID OF HIM! But the rest of that roster: Eric Berry, Brandon Flowers, Derrick Johnson, Dwayne Bowe, and Jamaal Charles are all stars. There’s an extra A in his name for a reason: he’s Awesome. And Kansas City will be too, once they get a real signal caller. On the Buffalo side, they just lost Fred Jackson; they will lose this game. 21-7 Chiefs.

Browns vs Bengals:

Speaking of bad quarterbacks, welcome to Cleveland, where it’s illegal to throw a forward pass to a member of your own team. Brandon

Andy Dalton, heartthrob for Gingers everywhere

Weeden, the 27 year old rookie quarterback that makes any 6 year college senior feel better about themselves, had a horrible week by any standards against the Eagles (who played beyond poorly themselves). Personally, I would stick with Colt McCoy over Weeden, but either way I don’t see them doing anything impressive. Cincinnati has the new hero of redheads everywhere, Andy Dalton, and breakout star receiver AJ Green, going against a pretty decent Browns defense that will be without emerging star cornerback Joe Haden, who’s serving a suspension. In the battle of Ohio I see it 10-3 Cincinnati.

Vikings vs Colts:

No Painter, No Problem

Adrian Peterson looked nice last week in his first game back from a torn ACL, scoring 2 TDs. But for some reason the Vikings just seem like a team that’s worse than they really should be. I like their roster, except for Christian Ponder at quarterback, but I don’t really see any other option for them. As for the Colts, home of The Next Big Thing Andrew Luck, they still have some of the weapons from the Peyton days. They still have Reggie Wayne and Donald Brown, and don’t have anyone named Jim Sorgi or Curtis Painter starting at quarterback, so that’s got to account for something. 19-14 Colts.

Raiders vs Dolphins:

I’ll break down the Oakland offense real quick: Darren McFadden.

Darren McFadden, Carson Palmer, and maybe Chad Johnson joins them?

That’s it. 15 carries, 13 receptions, he’s one Carson Palmer injury from throwing the ball to himself. Factor in wide receiver Jacoby Ford’s season ending injury, and now McFadden may be asked to do even more. Here’s a thought: Why doesn’t Oakland go out and sign either Terell Owens or Chad Johnson? Both have played with Palmer in Cincinnati, both will sign for minimum wage, and both fit in with the Raiders. What’s the problem? As for the Dolphins, meh, they’re the worst team in football. Canadian or otherwise. 24-3 Raiders.

Cardinals vs Patriots:

“So they gave me $65 million to play QB! And traded a stud CB for me! But I’m a backup!”

Let’s sum up the Cardinals:

  • You have the best receiver in football, Larry Fitzgerald.
  • You trade away your best cornerback for a career backup qb
  • Your career backup, Kevin Kolb, proves to be a career backup
  • John Skelton becomes the starter, gets hurt in week 1
  • Kolb, the career backup, comes in and somehow leads to a win
  • Kolb is the starter again

If you have two quarterbacks, you really have none. Skelton won’t be the answer, and Kolb has never been the answer. Arizona needs to either sign someone better, draft someone better, or trade Fitzgerald to somewhere that has a guy that can get him the ball (like Canada). Until then, Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski and the Patriots will obliterate them Sunday. Patriots 42-6

 

Buccaneers vs Giants:

The Giants Defensive Line will have opponents waiving white flags all year

The Giants secondary got rocked last week. But they still have the fiercest defensive line in the league. The Bucs can’t rely on rookie Doug Martin to run against that line, which forces Josh Freeman to throw more. But then it comes full circle because if he throws more, he will beat that secondary. So I expect a shootout, but I expect Eli Manning and the GMen to come out on top. 38-28 Giants

 

Ravens vs Eagles

Two allegedly elite teams could not have played any differently last week. Baltimore decimated the Bengals

“Where’s my money?”

on Monday Night Football, while Michael Vick and the Eagles broke the hearts of Philly fans by damn near throwing the game against the Browns. Last year the Eagles were the Super Bowl favorite, but this year is all about Baltimore. Joe Flacco is in a contract year and is trying to get PAID. PAY THE MAN! Ravens 28-14

 

Saints vs Panthers:

Cam Newton continues to be a force for the Panthers

Drew Brees vs Cam Newton. Pay for Pain vs Pay for School. The Saints, without their head coach, need to win this game if they want to hang around in the ultra competitive NFC South, especially with Atlanta looking like a rising juggernaut. But after RG3 demolished them, I can’t see New Orleans handling Cam any better. Panthers 40-35

 

Texans vs Jaguars:

This will be quick: the Texans are a rising force in the AFC, have a perfectly balanced offense, and the best defense in the league. The

Maurice Jones-Drew tried to holdout for a new contract or trade…didn’t work.

Jaguars quarterback is horrible, their best player tried his best to force his way out of Jacksonville, and their best rookie got arrested. So, yeah, this shouldn’t be close. Texans 28-0

 

Reskins vs Rams:

RG3 was The Man week 1. Will that continue?

Robert Griffin III had a stellar debut, as we all know by now. The big question is can he do it again. Yes. Well, that was easy. For the Rams, I have never trusted Steven Jackson. He gets hurt constantly, and quarterback Sam Bradford is no better. RG3 and the Redskins ride the wave 35-13

 

Cowboys vs Seahawks:

I have always had a hard time trusting Pete Carroll as a coach, outside of his time at USC. I don’t see how,

“How do you not trust me?!” I just don’t, Pete Carroll, I just don’t

or why, he was chosen as head coach of Seattle, especially with Eric Mangini available. But as much as I distrust Carroll, I have no trust/faith/belief or anything in Tony Romo as a quarterback. I trust him maybe just a little bit more than I trust Tebow, and that’s not much. Even though Romo (and the Giants defense) made a star out of Kevin Ogletree, I will never have faith in him. I’m sorry. I’m not sorry. Seahawks 21-18

 

Jets vs Steelers:

“Sorry Mark, I don’t care what Coach said. God told me I’m the starter”

Again, if you have two quarterbacks, or think you have two quarterbacks, you do not have one quarterback. The Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow experience is just ridiculous. How two mediocre quarterbacks who both think they’re great, in a market that won’t allow them to think they’re great until they win 9 Super Bowls, are supposed to coexist without constant fear that they’re going to be benched and dragged through the muddy New York media market, is beyond me. And their defense has been horrible, outside of Revis Island.  Steelers 35-10

 

Titans vs Chargers:

Jake Locker was injured against the Patriots last week, but appears as if he’s going to play. It shouldn’t matter. This might be the year

“My career issues are YOUR fault, not MINE!”

that Phillip Rivers and the Chargers live up to their potential. Every year the Chargers have a great passing game, a good rushing game, solid defense, and then BOOM, disappointment, followed by a Rivers tantrum that can only be rivaled by Jay Cutler. Enough crying already. Start winning games, then win the big one. Chargers 28-17

 

Lions vs 49ers:

We’re talking about a handshake. Not a game, not a game, a handshake.

All the talk is about whether or not the coaches are going to shake hands. WHO CARES! You have two of the top NFC teams playing each other in what should be a playoff preview, I could care less if two middle aged men shake hands. Calvin Johnson, Matt Stafford and Ndamakong Suh vs Patrick Willis, Randy Moss and Vernon Davis, and people care if two men shake hands after? This is what’s wrong with society. A handshake is to these coaches what practice is to Allen Iverson…unimportant.  49ers 38-21…and the coaches shake hands.

 

Broncos vs Falcons:

What a game for Monday Night Football. Peyton Manning and the new look Broncos vs a Falcons team that could be the most lethal

“Ok, I’ll throw a touchdown to you, Julio, then one to Roddy.”

aerial assault we’ve seen since the 2007 New England Patriots. Matt Ryan may have a statue erected after the season he could have with Roddy White, Julio Jones and Tony Gonzalez. Champ Bailey can’t cover all of them alone, and even if Denver doubles one of them, someone else is going to be open. This should be a high scoring, tons of yards, fun game in the Georgia Dome. The only issue I see for Atlanta is the season ending injury to Pro Bowl cornerback Brent Grimes. Grimes and Asante Samuel were going to lead this Falcons defense to the Super Bowl. Now, without Grimes, it gets a little harder. But I still give it to Atlanta 24-17.

 

Quick recap for the Thursday Night game: If you read last week, I said the Bears, with Cutler and Marshall,

Cutler to Marshall didn’t happen as often as I thought, or as often as Cutler to the ground

would top the Packers. Well, you win some, you lose some, or you foolishly bet on Cutler to find a way to actually stand up in a big game. Cutler continued to get sacked, continued to throw interceptions, and continued to play like 2011 Jay Cutler. Packers cornerback Charles Woodson said it best: “He’s still gonna throw us the ball”. Well, damn. Packers 23-10 

 

 —Barrett Blacque

J’Adore Magazine

WHAT IF(part one)…..

Part One of The Biggest NBA What Ifs of the past 30 years.
  • The Charlotte Hornets kept Kobe Bryant?

Kobe Bryant traded for….Vlade Divac?!?!

The Hornets drafted Kobe in the 1996 NBA Draft and promptly traded him to the Lakers for Vlade Divac. Yeah, about that. Let’s say that the Hornets kept him, what could’ve happened?

  1. First off, the Philadelphia 76ers should have taken the local kid first overall.

    Philly had the 1st pick, could’ve had the local legend Bryant

    Although Allen Iverson was a great pick, if you have the chance to take a local legend, take him.

  2. Instead of Kobe & Shaq, we have Kobe & Glen Rice. Doesn’t equate to as many wins, or any rings, but it helps pad Kobe’s stats. Without having to cater to Shaq, Kobe is forced to average over 30 instead of the 16.35 points per game had in his first 4 years.
  3. Being a starter from day one, and averaging over 30 points per game has Kobe feeling himself even more than usual. He decides that the

    Kobe could’ve led the Hornets and kept them in Charlotte… for a little while anyway

    Hornets aren’t the place for him, and begins to publicly criticize the franchise. Kobepalooza 2000 begins after the NBA Lockout once Kobe hits free agency. Chicago and Orlando have the most cap space, but the Magic sign Grant Hill and Tracy McGrady, instead of the malcontent Bryant. Kobe signs with the Bulls, and convinces Tim Duncan to come along as well.

  4. Kobe and Duncan lead the Bulls as the next generation’s new dynasty. They win 7 titles from 2000-2010, and Kobe replaces MJ as the NBAs greatest.
  • The Portland Trail Blazers drafted MJ?

Would Jordan still be the best if he went to Portland?

Portland passed on MJ to take Sam Bowie in 1984. Houston took Hakeem Olajuwon, even though they had a great center in Ralph Sampson. But that’s excusable, since Olajuwon was from Houston. Portland passing on MJ because they had a young Clyde Drexler is unfathomable. Clyde the Glide and Air Jordan would’ve been nasty, or would they….?

  1. Jordan and Clyde Drexler form one of the best, young 1-2 athletic combos in NBA history. By 1987 they replace the aging Lakers and the upcoming Houston Rockets as the Western Confrences elite.
  2. The MJ-Magic rivalry overshadows the Magic-Bird one. Bird and Isaiah Thomas become rivals instead.
  3. Portland wins 3 titles in the 80’s, loses 2, and wins 2 more in the early 90’s. The Bulls, having drafted Charles Barkley once Portland took Jordan, pair him up with Scottie Pippen, and begin their own mini-dynasty. Chicago wins 2 titles in the 90’s.
  4. MJ retires in 1999 with 5 titles in 7 tries. Not bad, but he no longer retires as the greatest of all time.
  • Len Bias lived?

What could have been…..

In 1986, the defending champion Boston Celtics selected Maryland prodigy Len Bias second overall. Before ever  suiting up, Bias tragically overdosed on cocaine and passed away. What could’ve been had Len Bias survived?

  1. Len Bias would have been a star, a borderline legend, a perfect stop-gap from the Bird era to the Pierce era.
  2. His play could’ve extended Larry Bird’s career by at least 3 years.With Len Bias shouldering some of the burden, Bird wouldn’t have had to bust his ass as hard every game.
  3. With his contract money, Bias gets his family out of the hood of Maryland and into the suburbs of Massachusetts. This allows his younger, more promising brother Jay Bias, a better chance to make it, instead of being shot and killed at 20 years old.
  4. The Celtics rival the Bulls first 3 peat, beating them once. In 1995, with MJ out for

    REST IN PEACE LEN BIAS. November 18, 1963 – June 19, 1986

    retirement and Bird still playing, the Celtics beat the NY Knicks in the east and win their last title until Bias and Paul Pierce lead them in the 1999 season.

  5. Most importantly, a mother wouldn’t have had to grieve her son.

PART TWO COMING SOON….

Newton’s Laws

In physics, Sir Isaac Newton developed three laws of motion that have universally been accepted and taught for centuries. Hundreds of years later, Cam Newton is re-defining everything we thought we knew about the physics of rookie quarterbacks.

Newton’s First Law: A QB in motion stays in motion, unless hit by a linebacker. Cam Newton has been bowling people over, rushing for 7 TDs this year, 3rd in the league. That’s 42 fantasy points right there.

Newton’s Second Law: A force is a big QB that is fast. Cam is the definition of a force (mass times acceleration). Standing at 6-5 and 248lbs and running a 4.59 40, Newton simply cannot be stopped while running. He’s rushed for 319 yards and a 2 point conversion this year. It’s more impressive than anything Mike Vick ever did because not only does Cam not get hurt, he hurts the defense when he runs through them.

Newton’s Third Law: For every play there is a positive or negative result. Cam Newton has looked great this year, and yet when you break down his stats they aren’t mind blowing. He has 11 TDs and 9 INTs passing. But that’s without a proper training camp or pre-season.  Despite the interceptions, Killa Cam is the number one rated fantasy player, regardless of position. Sure, there’s going to be ups and downs, but when Cam is on, he is already the best fantasy player in the league. Next season, Cam Newton HAS to be your number one pick.

LeSean McCoy ran wild this week, and gets our vote for the top fantasy player of the week. Shady, as he’s called around the league, had 185 rushing yards and 2 TDs, narrowly edging Stephen Jackson and his 159 yards and 2 scores.  I like McCoy as a fantasy star more than Jax simply because Jackson is a health risk and McCoy is the focal point of the Eagles offense. In next years draft I have Shady as a top five pick, whereas I wouldn’t take Jackson until the third round, if that.

Buffalo’s Defense gets the surprise vote of the week. They rocked the Redskins with 9 sacks, 2 interceptions and a blocked kick. But let’s be honest, you only benefited from that if you had your real defense on bye this week. That goes along with what I said before, the waiver wire is the most important thing to watch during the season.

Last week I told you to stop playing Chad Ochocinco and Chris Johnson. This week I have to say to keep listening. CJ is now splitting carries with Javon Ringer. I don’t think it’s a motivational thing either. I really believe that the Titans have lost faith in Johnson, which means you have to as well. I don’t  advise picking up Ringer, I don’t feel like he’s the answer there either. But for the love of all things fantasy, don’t start Johnson anymore. Ochocinco is still struggling to get on the field. And when he’s on, he isn’t really a factor. I still say keep him on your bench, eventually him and Brady have to connect. But don’t cut him until New England does.

Having a Saints receiver on your team is always risky, since they have so many options there’s no telling who is going to be the star of the week. Marques Colston is constantly the closest one to a sure thing, and he’s Drew Brees favorite target. But any week Lance Moore, Robert Meachem and Devery Henderson could explode, or not catch a pass. If you have two star WRs, then take a chance with the rest of the Saints. However, there should never be a situation where a New Orleans receiver is your main weapon.

Teams on Bye for Week 9: Carolina, Detroit, Jacksonville and Minnesota. That means no Cam Newton, Steve Smith, Calvin Johnson, Matt Stafford and Adrian Peterson.  So this week isn’t as rough on fantasy players and past weeks have been. If you have Newton, you most likely have a QB on your roster that you drafted ahead of him. The main losses are Calvin and AP, so look for a free agent WR and RB that also do kick returns, as those are the biggest fantasy gainers. Look for Brandon Tate of Cincinnati, or Joe McKnight of the Jets. Special teamers are always high risk, high reward players.

Shady McCoy and Jeremy Maclin led my team to victory this week, propelling me to second place in my league. Tell me how your team is doing and ask questions about which guys to start via the comments section below!