Giants vs Panthers

Thursday Night Preview

Giants at Panthers

The defending champion New York Giants travel to Carolina to play the up and coming Carolina Panthers. Each team enters play with a record of 1-1, and both have legitimate injury concerns to worry about. Big Blue is without wideouts Hakeem Nicks and Domenik Hixon, and running back Ahmad Bradshaw, while the Big Cats may be without The Daily Show (running back Jonathan Stewart).

Eli Manning- the Butters Stotch of the NFL

This is a tough one to predict. Which Eli Manning is going to show up? The one

that throws three interceptions and just shrugs and says “Aw shucks”, or the one

that throws for 500 yards and three touchdowns? Well, that’s a trick question, because it’s the same damn man doing it at the same damn time. You can’t trust Eli, but you can depend on him. If he has to throw 7 interceptions just to throw 8 touchdowns, he’ll do it. He’s an enigma.

Cam Newton, on the other hand, is easier to figure out. He’s going to run through

Cam Newton dances on the competition

you. Not around you, not near you, but straight through you. And you will fall down, possibly get the wind knocked out of you, and have to watch him do his Superman dance over your internally bleeding body. He’s just a force, as I’ve written about before (Newton’s Laws). But he can beat you throwing the ball too. And this Giants secondary has shown the uncanny ability to get beat on deep throws, short throws, and shuttle throws. Wide receiver Brandon LaFell could have a Kevin Ogletree-esqe game tonight if the defense focuses on Steve Smith too much.

Last year the Panthers picked off Eli three times, but he came back to throw three

“If I lose the game tonight my parents are gonna be awfully sore with me”

touchdowns. I like him, but I can’t pick a team led by Butters Stotch to win here. I just can’t. Panthers 35-31.

 

—Barrett Blacque

J’Adore Magazine

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WEEK 2 PREVIEW

Week 1 began with a bang, with the Cowboys and Kevin Ogletree dismantling the defending champion New York Giants 24-17. Other headlines included RG3 having an amazing debut for the Redskins, Peyton Manning returning to action for the Broncos, and Randy Moss coming back with the 49ers. So what can we look forward to in week 2? Here’s a game-by-game preview of the upcoming week:

Chiefs vs Bills:

Jamaal Charles, stopping all that dare tackle him

I fully believe that the Chiefs have the best roster in the league, IF you take away the most important position, the quarterback. Matt Cassel had one good season in New England, and that is all. GET RID OF HIM! But the rest of that roster: Eric Berry, Brandon Flowers, Derrick Johnson, Dwayne Bowe, and Jamaal Charles are all stars. There’s an extra A in his name for a reason: he’s Awesome. And Kansas City will be too, once they get a real signal caller. On the Buffalo side, they just lost Fred Jackson; they will lose this game. 21-7 Chiefs.

Browns vs Bengals:

Speaking of bad quarterbacks, welcome to Cleveland, where it’s illegal to throw a forward pass to a member of your own team. Brandon

Andy Dalton, heartthrob for Gingers everywhere

Weeden, the 27 year old rookie quarterback that makes any 6 year college senior feel better about themselves, had a horrible week by any standards against the Eagles (who played beyond poorly themselves). Personally, I would stick with Colt McCoy over Weeden, but either way I don’t see them doing anything impressive. Cincinnati has the new hero of redheads everywhere, Andy Dalton, and breakout star receiver AJ Green, going against a pretty decent Browns defense that will be without emerging star cornerback Joe Haden, who’s serving a suspension. In the battle of Ohio I see it 10-3 Cincinnati.

Vikings vs Colts:

No Painter, No Problem

Adrian Peterson looked nice last week in his first game back from a torn ACL, scoring 2 TDs. But for some reason the Vikings just seem like a team that’s worse than they really should be. I like their roster, except for Christian Ponder at quarterback, but I don’t really see any other option for them. As for the Colts, home of The Next Big Thing Andrew Luck, they still have some of the weapons from the Peyton days. They still have Reggie Wayne and Donald Brown, and don’t have anyone named Jim Sorgi or Curtis Painter starting at quarterback, so that’s got to account for something. 19-14 Colts.

Raiders vs Dolphins:

I’ll break down the Oakland offense real quick: Darren McFadden.

Darren McFadden, Carson Palmer, and maybe Chad Johnson joins them?

That’s it. 15 carries, 13 receptions, he’s one Carson Palmer injury from throwing the ball to himself. Factor in wide receiver Jacoby Ford’s season ending injury, and now McFadden may be asked to do even more. Here’s a thought: Why doesn’t Oakland go out and sign either Terell Owens or Chad Johnson? Both have played with Palmer in Cincinnati, both will sign for minimum wage, and both fit in with the Raiders. What’s the problem? As for the Dolphins, meh, they’re the worst team in football. Canadian or otherwise. 24-3 Raiders.

Cardinals vs Patriots:

“So they gave me $65 million to play QB! And traded a stud CB for me! But I’m a backup!”

Let’s sum up the Cardinals:

  • You have the best receiver in football, Larry Fitzgerald.
  • You trade away your best cornerback for a career backup qb
  • Your career backup, Kevin Kolb, proves to be a career backup
  • John Skelton becomes the starter, gets hurt in week 1
  • Kolb, the career backup, comes in and somehow leads to a win
  • Kolb is the starter again

If you have two quarterbacks, you really have none. Skelton won’t be the answer, and Kolb has never been the answer. Arizona needs to either sign someone better, draft someone better, or trade Fitzgerald to somewhere that has a guy that can get him the ball (like Canada). Until then, Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski and the Patriots will obliterate them Sunday. Patriots 42-6

 

Buccaneers vs Giants:

The Giants Defensive Line will have opponents waiving white flags all year

The Giants secondary got rocked last week. But they still have the fiercest defensive line in the league. The Bucs can’t rely on rookie Doug Martin to run against that line, which forces Josh Freeman to throw more. But then it comes full circle because if he throws more, he will beat that secondary. So I expect a shootout, but I expect Eli Manning and the GMen to come out on top. 38-28 Giants

 

Ravens vs Eagles

Two allegedly elite teams could not have played any differently last week. Baltimore decimated the Bengals

“Where’s my money?”

on Monday Night Football, while Michael Vick and the Eagles broke the hearts of Philly fans by damn near throwing the game against the Browns. Last year the Eagles were the Super Bowl favorite, but this year is all about Baltimore. Joe Flacco is in a contract year and is trying to get PAID. PAY THE MAN! Ravens 28-14

 

Saints vs Panthers:

Cam Newton continues to be a force for the Panthers

Drew Brees vs Cam Newton. Pay for Pain vs Pay for School. The Saints, without their head coach, need to win this game if they want to hang around in the ultra competitive NFC South, especially with Atlanta looking like a rising juggernaut. But after RG3 demolished them, I can’t see New Orleans handling Cam any better. Panthers 40-35

 

Texans vs Jaguars:

This will be quick: the Texans are a rising force in the AFC, have a perfectly balanced offense, and the best defense in the league. The

Maurice Jones-Drew tried to holdout for a new contract or trade…didn’t work.

Jaguars quarterback is horrible, their best player tried his best to force his way out of Jacksonville, and their best rookie got arrested. So, yeah, this shouldn’t be close. Texans 28-0

 

Reskins vs Rams:

RG3 was The Man week 1. Will that continue?

Robert Griffin III had a stellar debut, as we all know by now. The big question is can he do it again. Yes. Well, that was easy. For the Rams, I have never trusted Steven Jackson. He gets hurt constantly, and quarterback Sam Bradford is no better. RG3 and the Redskins ride the wave 35-13

 

Cowboys vs Seahawks:

I have always had a hard time trusting Pete Carroll as a coach, outside of his time at USC. I don’t see how,

“How do you not trust me?!” I just don’t, Pete Carroll, I just don’t

or why, he was chosen as head coach of Seattle, especially with Eric Mangini available. But as much as I distrust Carroll, I have no trust/faith/belief or anything in Tony Romo as a quarterback. I trust him maybe just a little bit more than I trust Tebow, and that’s not much. Even though Romo (and the Giants defense) made a star out of Kevin Ogletree, I will never have faith in him. I’m sorry. I’m not sorry. Seahawks 21-18

 

Jets vs Steelers:

“Sorry Mark, I don’t care what Coach said. God told me I’m the starter”

Again, if you have two quarterbacks, or think you have two quarterbacks, you do not have one quarterback. The Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow experience is just ridiculous. How two mediocre quarterbacks who both think they’re great, in a market that won’t allow them to think they’re great until they win 9 Super Bowls, are supposed to coexist without constant fear that they’re going to be benched and dragged through the muddy New York media market, is beyond me. And their defense has been horrible, outside of Revis Island.  Steelers 35-10

 

Titans vs Chargers:

Jake Locker was injured against the Patriots last week, but appears as if he’s going to play. It shouldn’t matter. This might be the year

“My career issues are YOUR fault, not MINE!”

that Phillip Rivers and the Chargers live up to their potential. Every year the Chargers have a great passing game, a good rushing game, solid defense, and then BOOM, disappointment, followed by a Rivers tantrum that can only be rivaled by Jay Cutler. Enough crying already. Start winning games, then win the big one. Chargers 28-17

 

Lions vs 49ers:

We’re talking about a handshake. Not a game, not a game, a handshake.

All the talk is about whether or not the coaches are going to shake hands. WHO CARES! You have two of the top NFC teams playing each other in what should be a playoff preview, I could care less if two middle aged men shake hands. Calvin Johnson, Matt Stafford and Ndamakong Suh vs Patrick Willis, Randy Moss and Vernon Davis, and people care if two men shake hands after? This is what’s wrong with society. A handshake is to these coaches what practice is to Allen Iverson…unimportant.  49ers 38-21…and the coaches shake hands.

 

Broncos vs Falcons:

What a game for Monday Night Football. Peyton Manning and the new look Broncos vs a Falcons team that could be the most lethal

“Ok, I’ll throw a touchdown to you, Julio, then one to Roddy.”

aerial assault we’ve seen since the 2007 New England Patriots. Matt Ryan may have a statue erected after the season he could have with Roddy White, Julio Jones and Tony Gonzalez. Champ Bailey can’t cover all of them alone, and even if Denver doubles one of them, someone else is going to be open. This should be a high scoring, tons of yards, fun game in the Georgia Dome. The only issue I see for Atlanta is the season ending injury to Pro Bowl cornerback Brent Grimes. Grimes and Asante Samuel were going to lead this Falcons defense to the Super Bowl. Now, without Grimes, it gets a little harder. But I still give it to Atlanta 24-17.

 

Quick recap for the Thursday Night game: If you read last week, I said the Bears, with Cutler and Marshall,

Cutler to Marshall didn’t happen as often as I thought, or as often as Cutler to the ground

would top the Packers. Well, you win some, you lose some, or you foolishly bet on Cutler to find a way to actually stand up in a big game. Cutler continued to get sacked, continued to throw interceptions, and continued to play like 2011 Jay Cutler. Packers cornerback Charles Woodson said it best: “He’s still gonna throw us the ball”. Well, damn. Packers 23-10 

 

 —Barrett Blacque

J’Adore Magazine